Detachment & Indifference

Indifference Toward the Imperfections of Others

---

The practice of the four brahmavihara are essential to truly breaking down the perceived barriers between self and other:
1) Friendliness toward the joyful - August
2) Compassion for those who are suffering - Sept
3) Honoring the good in others - Oct
4) Remaining impartial to the faults & imperfections of others - Nov
(yoga sutra 1.33)

Practicing detachment or indifference toward those who have harmed us or others in word or deed is the most difficult of all the brahmavihara. However, it is important practice for true peace.   The time and energy that goes into creating enemy energy is completely not worthwhile. The negative energy we put into any feeling of hate will never serve us.

If we get still and very quiet for enough time, listening deeply, we will get a signal to turn our attention away from it. The ego tries to get us into creating enemy relationships so we can analyze and judge someone else so that we can feel “right” and better about who we are. At a much deeper level, if we really listen without internal chatter, we know this never works. It never feels quite right. We even try to get others involved in our “fight” and feel more justified in our behavior by the involvement of others. Or, instead, some of us become attached to the idea of becoming a victim to someone else’s bad behavior. Of course, this is disempowering, and not useful. 

This takes Tapas, or fire.  It can feel like burning to soften, and find the humility and strength to forgive.  To let go of the ego's need to be right or justified in battle, initially, burns like fire. It means taking responsibility for our own peace without involving anyone else.  It means realizing that truly, deeply, that which bothers us the most about someone else, may be a pattern of our own ego being reflected back to us.
If truly necessary for our overall health, we can remove our selves from a relationship and/or set discriminate and healthy boundaries while letting go of all the emotions and energy of attachment to that person. 
I see this as a two-part realization. First, putting down the sword, or the shield, whichever fictitious weapon one has created in this illusory battle of the ego. Second, forgiving ourselves and the other to truly get past the anger, resentment, hurt, or any other feeling that arose. For the battle was never real anyway, even though our ego got so involved in the drama, the battle, the story...the Truth is that we can not harm anyone else without harming ourselves. There is no separation, only the projection of separation the ego creates.
Here are some great quotes by Mahatma Gandhi, a great teacher and example on this matter:

• Hate the sin, love the sinner.
  
• I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.
• In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.
• The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
• When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it--always.
• You must be the change you want to see in the world.
• You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

This is one of the most challenging aspects of our daily practice, yet the most rewarding of any practice, each time we burn through the fire of the ego, we become deeper levels of peace.

In fire and Love,
Stephanie